Jerry's Diary~ Jerry's Life~

大概有两年没有写了，不知为甚么，突然想写～ 虽然我现在很累刚刚从大陆回来，已经两天没睡了～ 但是还是想述一述! ^.^ 哎。。。就当是练习打中文好了～
刚刚从大陆回来感觉到了从来没有的伤心, 是不是年纪大了就感情更丰富了呢？还是更多愁善感了呢？
出国15年了，回国包括这次才三次！觉自己已经和别人有很大的差距了，有点不自然的感觉！
但是最让我伤心的是没有能经常回去看看爷爷奶奶和离别他们！！
有点自责和不孝的感觉！工作忙，没时间也已经不是什么说得过去的理由了！
从小父母不在身边和爷爷奶奶一起张大,感情很深，真的是很想念他们！
这回好不容易能见到他们好开心也好难过，快十年了没有掉过的眼泪也在临走时调了出来。。。
不是很想承认但真的有一种见一次就少一次的感觉！！ TT
很想在他们身边授这，
很想有机会为他们尽孝，
但是。。。。。。。
希望他们身健康，开开心心是我现在唯一的期望！！ 

내가 외이러개 말이 안나와??????

자종나다~

i dont know why is it so hard~ never had this problem before...

hey~ party host~ im so hungry now~

i want 2 eat ra maen~

had a long day today, went to club drank hella yesterday, woke up early, worked all day long, set up my show thingy for doggy food, went to eat and drink...

now just got home, drunk and tired~

i promise from now on i wont drink that much~

too expensive price to pay and my head hurts so much now...

and im hella hungry~~~~~~~~

i want to eat somethin~~~

guys... call me tomorrow morning~ i need to eat~

나도 목우 사라야되~~~

아프고, 슬프고, 힘들고, 고리고......

고거 다 내가하개, 너행폭해면되~

把所有的痛苦， 悲伤， 劳累， 思念。。。。。。

全部留给我， 你只要幸福和高兴就可以了~

its true wat they always say:"its easier said than done." but i think im up for the challenge~

this was wat i have been doin, but still got hurt in tha end... ahh~ is it still not enough? ^.^ wat else do u want!

anyways, so this was my phrase of tha day~

take notes guys~...~ ^>^

got a message today morning, i was still sleepin(too much partyin on tha weekend), couldnt hear my phone ring...

some of u kno how i am, when im sleepin... earthquake wouldnt wake up me, so...

anyways, this message was from a friend who is far, far away from me, by tha way sorry couldnt get back at cha... cause by the time i woke up, i thought u wil be sleepin already so... didnt want to wake u up~ ^.^

yeah... im doin just ok~ always could be better but never happens that way, so i used to livin the OK life now.

wat can i do right? i tried, nothin is happening so... time to let it go(lesson from last blog entry.. hehe)

u ok? how r things goin? really busy lately? too many things on ur mind?

i feel u~ it suck to have huge responsibilities at such a "young" age, too much pressure... u always feel like people are watchin u, which makes u even more nervous~

sometimes i cant go to sleep at nite too, even when im hella tired, still cant fall asleep cause too many things on my mind... really dont want to think about it but just cant help it~

therefore, it pushes me to do one thing that i dont want to do which is to drink Nyquil. i get knocked out every single time, and then sleep for at least 10+hrs~ cant get up in the morning, but better than not being able to go to sleep right? u want some? i wil get u some? i kno where u live now~ ^.^ watch out!!

we both in the same shoes now, except that u have real "shoes" to deal with^^, but i think we just need to learn how to adjust to tha situation. somehow find a way to make this wat we want to do...

workin isnt easy, especially workin for urself... i feel pressure everyday from parents. and they wil never be satisified either so... if u want to be a good kid, u just have to do the best u can day in and day out...

for that, i wish i can be more of a help, but only u can help urself~

but about the other thing? (u know what im talkin about) wats goin on? anything happened recently?

i just hope u wil do tha right thing and make tha correct decision... ok? i trust u cause u r an awesome person~

and this goes out to everyone, if u have things on ur mind and things u want to talk about~ feel free to call me and talk about it ok? even though i have alot of issue of my own, but i wil always be there when u need me~ (especially U, i kno u wil read this, Zhang!! i think u might need this more than i do~ haha just kiddin~)

ohhh~ im gonna change my cellphone plan for u guys too, more minutes, more listenin~

things i do for all u guys~ ahhhh~~ ^.^

i came home pretty late last night, didnt drink that much, but i was pretty buzzed. because i have been livin tha "normal" life now, i fell asleep as soon as i got home. a phone call woke me up at 9 in the morning, some dude complainin cause he didnt... watevea...(IM SORRY, i hope everythin works out as the way u want) so i couldnt go back to sleep ever since... lay in my bed stared at the ceiling for 2hrs... got up... got a hair cut...(which made me feel better) and went to shoppin...~

normally when i go shoppin, i dont really buy anything, but somehow, someway, today when i went shoppin made me just want to treat myself with somethin... maybe its because i've been workin hard lately... need to some money to reward myself... so i got myself two jackets... my style is different from wat my friends wear, so they agreed on one of them, but disapprovin the other... but as long as i like it... thats all it counts right? ^.^ (now just need to lose some weight, i'll be good as new, back on tha market... hehe~ JKDin)

plz dont make fun of me when u see me lookin nicer than u r~ just kiddin ^.^

but lately, somehow, im just not as confident as i used to be before...

maybe its because my previous horrible relationship... well... i wouldnt say it was horrible from the beginnin to tha end... but the end definitely was somethin that i didnt want to experience in my life time... (afraid of gettin hurt again... need to learn how to pertect myself from now on)

but everyone has their ups and downs, right now im just glad that i've got over it and able to go on with my life~ THANK GOD~ ONE TIME~

anyways... after shoppin, went to meet with some other friend which were their birthday... three people in one day... damnnn.... but its all good, i truely wish u guys happy birthday and all of ur wishes come true)

kinda feel bad for them cause it seemed like tha guys had more fun than tha birthday girls~ oopppsss~ ^.^

its all good rite? i wasnt that hyped up today... man... i wanted to get them gifts but wouldnt kno wat to get so... brought them drinks with this other dudes but u guys didnt even... come on wheres tha fun at?

i drank alot today, but now im not even buzzed...WOW~~ watch out guys~ u have created a monster NOW~ da chu gao soo... hehe~ ^.^

man... i dont know... maybe when there are things on my mind, i just dont let any substances to take over...

which is a DaMn good thing~ this have showed that im an adult now... all grown up, matured and havin control...

but one thing that i maybe lackin is to kno how pick things up and kno when to put it down, and just let it go...

as u guys can see, because im writin all this which makes me an pretty emotional and passionate person... which has its pros and cons...

Pros: im expressin myself, after i write these help me to see things better and make better decisions...

Cons: people laugh at me because i write this, kinda gay, not like a man, and wake~

which i dont totally care because i want and need to find a ways to make myself feel better, i kno this might not be the best way,but at least its workin at tha moment so... im gonna keep goin...~

ok~ back to my weakness... to sum it up... i just need to learn how to be a little bit more cold blooded thats all, and be a little more careless... because i care about people around me too much, i always put them first rather than myself, its cool for a while, as time goes by i feel pressure and unfairness to myself...

i mean i still kno who are my friends, to them i wil always be true and willin to sacrifise cause i think thats wats being friends all about... but to the ones who arent that close, i might need to just let it go sometimes... -.-~

its not cool to be selfish, but its ok to be a little selfish once in a while right?~? *^.^* Sorry

i think u guys know wasup... for those who really know me and know me well, knows that im not selfish and shady... and NOT GAY EITHER!!!!!!!!! i not gonna say im a great person, i think everyone wil agree that im an very very truely OK dude right~ hehe

anyways, lettin it go easily is something that i need to work on and get better at... right now, i should definitely focus on some of the more important aspects of my life such as marketin my one of kinda dog treat, takin GMAT go back to school to finally finish my education, and spendin more time with my parents...

my parents have went to tha hospital recently for regular check ups, and it didnt come out as good as i thought it wil be... so... being tha only child(im chinese, u kno tha rest), now its time for me to step it up and be a better help to them...i think im old and matrue enough to handle some more responsibilities regardin to work and family stuff...after all, this is tha least thing that i could do for them as way of thankin them for brought me into this world.

so... all the other stuff needs to be set aside... even if i dont want to i mean i dont think it wil happen anyway... its true that they says in tha end, its always gonna be ur family who wil truely without a doubt love u and care about u regardless how u are~ so... from now on... family, myself, friends, and relationship is wat tha order is gonna be...

ok~ enough for today... its 4:36am now... need my beauty sleep, so i can go work out again, gettin buff as we speak now... hehe~ ok~ im sittin in front of my Computer, in my wife-beat, in my underwear, with no heater on(heatin oil price went up so...), 38degrees outside~ u'al kno wasup~ Freakin COLD~ chou~leng~

good nite guys... dont drink too much~ ^.^ and good nite to u too! ~

k, first of all, i really wanna thank you for takin ur "precious" time to read my stuff and thank you for leave me that piece of "mind" as well... i really mean it... ^.^

this came from a really good and close friend of mine. we known each other for a long time and spent lots of time together... but i think because his personality, it always feels like there is a gap between us... T.T  like he said he is the type of person who doesnt want to share his thoughts with others, like to keep them to himself, stress himself, and pullin his hair out for it~ ^.^ sorry ~ which is totally cool, cause i understand... but i hope u could open up urself once in a while. just talk about things that are goin on if u want, and i wil always be there when u need me, even though i might not be able to do anything to make things better, but i know u wil feel better after u air urself out...its not good to hold everything in all tha time, one of these day u will brust~

as a friend, i care about u and wil do anythin for u~ we hang out together all the time, we have our funs and do all the stupid things, but we both hide one side of us against each other... after knowin his personality, i started to keep things away from him too, not because i dont want him to know about it, but its more like i dont want to borther him with mine...

dude, i rather spend some time,  man to man, just have a conversation than go out all tha time and drink our freakin brains out every single weekend... by the way, we are still on for this weekend right? ^.^

last couple months has been really tough for me, went through some serious ups and downs in life, i felt like had no one to talk to, and this is why im writing this... therefore, to him, i mean u dont have to talk about it unless u dont want to, but plz do try to find a way to express urself. cause holdin it in wil make it worse in the long run, DONT TURN PSYCHO ON ME OK? ^.^

 

people always say work for yourself is the best. but i guess not the way i see it...

i work for my family, so whether if i do good or bad have a direct effect on myself

it is very hard and not as easy as other people thinks...

not workin for anyone has its advantages, it gives u a lot of freedom such as flexible schedule according to urself, never have to worry about wat other people think of u, and u can do watever, whenever u want as long as its done.

but it has its disadvantages as well~

just to name a few: u have to do everything urself. at big companies, each employee has his or her roles such as accounting handles accounting only, sales people sell only, u get the point...

but when u work for urself, in order to make a lot of money, u cant afford to hire anyone, therefore u have to do everything...

even if u dont know how to do it, u have to learn how to do it and get better at it fast

u do learn alot about things other may not know but it is tiring~

second, too much responsibilities nd pressure...

if u do well, u make money. and if u dont, u have no income. no one is gonna cut u a check once a month.

u cut urself tha check!

its was 11:28PM on wed's nite, i just came home from work. im so tired, sleepy, and hungry cause i havent eat yet~

even thou my office is only two mins away from my house, but i still can go home, cause i kno if i go home i wil get lazy and wont do anything anymore...

man... this place has become the place where i air myself out everyday... sorry ^.^ plz understand ^.-

so... suggestion to my friends and u kno who u are too, dont open up ur own business, work for others, unless u feel like u are ready for this kinda of responsibility~ trust me... cause i dont think even im ready yet..

 

Anyways, because work purpose, i needed another computer... and my ex's computer is just sittin there... so... instead of buyin one... i choose to just format hers and use it... its been a while now since we arent together anymore... before i didnt want to use it because i wanted to keep something to remember her by cause it got all her stuff in it...

i kno, i kno, im weird~ some people keep pictures, some people keep some clothin that has that person's smell on it, and some people keep gifts as memories...

but me, since i didnt get alot of gift from her during our almost three yrs relationship, so...

computer is all i got left... i mean its something that she uses everyday, so... its got some kinda meaning to it right? ^>^ well, maybe i should look at cheaper things...

and some how today, i just decided to use it... dont get me wrong, im over her already...( and this is for all the single girls who might read this... im over it and lookin~ ^.^ hehe)

anyways, all these sudden rush is because before i formated the computer, i saw alot of her pictures and music mp3s~ and those have reminded me the old days... ^.^

went through some of those pics... listened to some of her mp3s... thought about the old days...

we were happy when we were together, spent everyday together, but there were also unhappy moments...

and people who knows us know why were for unhappy for only one reason...

i had a tough break up with her for some bad, horriable reasons... i hated her for a while and dont understand why and how could she do such things to me??? but today made me realize that because we are two totally different person with different personality... so different that we cant understand each other or at least i dont understand her...

i dont hate her anymore... if those are the things that she decided to do, who am i to stop her right?

i just hope that she wil be happy with wat she decided and dont ever regret... i think she wil be happy eventually, and i wish her to happy too... for real...!! ^.^

maybe this is the only good things about me that im pround of myself for it, is that i dont get mad at people nor hold gruges(dont know how to spell this word :P) against anyone...

i think no one is worth to hate for a long time, try to have a other friend than enemy right?

man... didnt even realize i wrote this much already... this is enough for today maybe even till next week so...

need to go to sleep now... still need to get up to go to hospital and work, wish me luck ^.^ good nite~~